Yes, this is yet another dating advice article. But I’m not going to touch on writing the perfect dating profile or opening lines or choosing the right mix of pictures. I’m also definitely not going to offer any “dating guru” advice about being edgy or alpha or any of that crap. For starters, women are past that, particularly the women who have lived a little. Secondly, we’re Ducklings; we value authenticity and real connection. And most of all, we are about being decent people.

This applies whether you’re looking for someone on the Duckling dating site, at events – anywhere, really. The are lessons acquired over many years of online dating, observation, and being a sounding board for women who have heard and seen it all. In somewhat random order, here is what I’ve learned.

1. Women get a lot of attention. But standing out from the pack isn’t that difficult.
Face it – women can be inundated with attention, which means that they have choices. Lots of choices. Saying “hey” isn’t going to make you stand out. The good news is that there is an easy way to stand out from everyone else – just be a decent person and get to know her and help her get to know you. Between the scammers, the pic collectors, the liars and the guys who want to meet “at your place” within five minutes of first contact, women who have spent any time online have seen and heard it all. Part of this process is not pushing boundaries. For most women, that includes the dreaded dick pic. Unless she specifically asks, she doesn’t want to see it yet. She doesn’t want to be asked if she wants to see it, either.

And no, your penis is not majestic enough to maker her change her mind. It isn’t that special, and neither are you until you demonstrate that you are. So be a friend. Find common ground and mutual interests. Invest a bit of time. Be genuinely curious about who she is. Just exchanging a couple of messages or a brief conversation isn’t enough. Follow that advice, and you’ll stand out and show that you are indeed special. Otherwise, you’re just another guy who has hit on her that month.

2. She knows that you know that she has boobs. You don’t need to talk about them.
It seems to happen less often now than in the early days of online chat/dating, but its still an issue – at some point early in the online conversation, the guy will ask about bra size or ask for a boob pic. Sure, maybe it works sometimes. But as a general lesson – mentioning her boobs in any way makes it less likely that you’ll get to touch them. This applies to talking about sex in general.
Women want to be lusted over, but it can’t be indiscriminate. They want you to like their boobs, but they don’t want to be treated like a collection of sexual body parts. They like sex just as much as you, and possibly even more. The conversation will turn to it soon enough. But first, she has to know that you aren’t just talking to her just because she has a vagina. Its complicated, but its all part of people wanting to have an actual connection. Ducklings seek that connection. Make that connection, and good things will happen. And it may not be with the first women (or the third) that you meet, but it will happen.

3. She’s not going to be impressed, so don’t bother trying.
This one’s complicated. Firstly, know that you’re quite likely not going to be the most accomplished guy she’s ever spoken to. Yes, she wants to know that you’re a functioning adult who won’t need to borrow money. But beyond that, let your personal qualities speak for themselves.  Yes, many women will want a guy who can at least fit in and can afford their share of a winter getaway. Respect that.

But, coming from a guy who was married to a former NHL spouse, trust me – you’re not going to impress her with money or the circles you’ve been in. I would have been a fool to try. The truly valuable quality is what I mentioned earlier – being a decent person and be the person you’re projecting yourself to be (more about that later). Remember that no matter how subtle you think your bragging is, she’s heard it before and sees right through it. Besides, different women are impressed by different things; trust her to figure that out for herself.

4. Respect her need for caution
I’m convinced that one of the reasons that men often face a hard time meeting woman online is that by necessity, women have their guard up. They have to. Women routinely face insults and abuse for not responding immediately, for having particular tastes in who they want to meet etc., etc. It is easier for women to not respond, than it is to respond and open themselves up to name calling and worse. And this is just before there’s a discussion about meeting. Women take a risk whenever they agree to meet with someone. So don’t suggest it be in private. That sets off alarm bells and doesn’t get things off to a good start. Be honest – share your last name and phone number rather than asking for her number first. If you’re comfortable doing so, you can even share your Facebook link, just to show that you are who (and what) you say you are. This will all help her get the sense of comfort required to keep the conversation going and actually meet.

5. There isn’t a girl shortage
This comes down to both not being a jerk if she says “no”, and not wasting your own time with someone where the connection isn’t really going to happen. You can’t force it. There truly are a lot of women looking for a connection, and this article just touches on why they have a hard time finding a match. I’m convinced that there are more available women than there are guys who “get it”. What this boils down to is that if you behave like a decent person, then there is a woman for you. She might not be one of the first ten you flirt with, but she’s out there. Knowing this makes it much
easier to move on if she’s not interested. Face it – if you’ve had significant interaction with someone and you’re still unsure if she’s into you or not, she likely isn’t. Move on gracefully and don’t become “that guy” with a reputation as a pest.


6. Be true to yourself

Don’t adopt kinks and alt lifestyles just as a means to meet women. Submissive women see it all the time: Men who have self-declared as dominant, bought a leather hat, and let it be known they’d like to partner with submissive women. The experienced women see right through it. They all have stories of the guys who couldn’t lead a dog to their food dish who have decided that being a dom is their best route to sexual adventure.

Don’t be that guy. A Dom-Sub relationship puts the sub’s emotional and physical security at risk if it isn’t led by someone who gets it. Real damage can be done by people who don’t understand the dynamic and who don’t realize it has a lot to do with the sub’s needs. The same requirement for authenticity applies for people declaring that they are poly or a swinger. None of this rules out experimentation – just declare that you are in the “curious” category and you will learn the right way what’s for you while minimizing hurt feelings (or worse).

Interestingly, these six lessons mesh nicely with the Duckling values. Be authentic. Be nice. Be social. Respect boundaries.

Whether on the new Duckling Dating site, other online dating sites, or at events, these lessons won’t guarantee that you’ll meet someone, but they will help you stand out. Men encounter their own issues with women during the “finding someone” phase. It is definitely a struggle. By being a decent and authentic true version of yourself and not treating women as a collection of body parts or a kink outlet, then you’re well on your way to standing out above the crowd.